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Season VII: Growth
Chapter 81
I am Otto. I am a…
…
Oh.
… … …
Ohh.
…
I am ashamed to admit: I've only just now realized why I was given the name that I was given.
I was a Pidgey. Named Otto.
And now I am a Pidgeotto.
…
Clever.
Even with, supposedly, eleven-and-a-half stars of I.Q., it has taken me this long to make such a connection.
But I suppose this is an example of the type of cleverness that a purely analytical mind might miss, as it is a connection made with irony, or perhaps some sense of humor.
It further serves to demonstrate the merit of the lesson which Syr taught me through his riddle: Pokémon do not cease to be ferals upon gaining the spark of intelligence and civility. Even Pokémon raised within our civilization still possess a feral mind, however neglected or suppressed. The imprinting effect merely happens to them at a much younger age.
In other words: we all hatch feral. Some are capable, or perhaps fortunate, to grow beyond our humble origins.
This is why the feral mind should not be entirely suppressed, as I once assumed following my first encounter with Pokémon who seemed more than mere animals. The feral mind exists within all Pokémon, even the brilliant Pokémon such as Scythe, Master Karow, Alakazam. Even Tallie, even Eva, even Char. It connects all Pokémon.
It is therefore a source of strength. Sometimes it is a source of intelligence.
…
It is a lesson I wish I had learned earlier. Before it was too late. Before I have made such a terrible mistake.
I do not know how I will tell Char, Tallie, or the rest of Team Ember, what I know I must tell them. I am unfamiliar with the fear and regret it brings to me. It is a state of mind I have never experienced.
I have made mistakes before. Many mistakes. Most recently, I thought myself responsible for driving Tallie away during our mission to catch the Shadow Bandit. I was prepared to be discharged from Team Ember for that mistake. Before that, I let Team Ember down when I failed to let myself fall into Marrow's arms.
I made over one hundred mistakes when staying in daycare. It is how I stood out and surpassed the other children there. I made one hundred mistakes more when training under Syr. It is how I rose to notoriety among the flocks of Silverwing. With each mistake I learned a lesson, but I never learned regret.
Mistakes have never before carried so much gravity as this. They have always been simple matters. The dispelling of misconception. Acts not to repeat for the same reasons. The culling of weak thoughts, just as the weakest animals in the wild are the ones which get eaten.
I did not know that a feral emotion could be so heavy as to weigh down the physical body. Yet, this feels heavier than the granite stones Syr once tied to my legs during my flight trials.
I am a different Pokémon now. I have changed.
I have changed too much.
I am no longer fit to serve Char upon Team Ember.
I must resign.
Evolution is a sensitive process for elite avians. Syr made this very clear as he trained us. Skill does not simply translate into a different body. There are special methods and therapies to translate our muscle memory which must be initiated before the evolution occurs, called the transition regimen. I would have initiated such programs the day I came into possession of a feral-shard.
Instead I have undergone an unplanned, involuntary evolution. In the moment I did not understand what Fern was doing to me; I only knew she wanted to heal me and I knew I did not want to die. I believe that was enough consent for the feral-shard to activate.
Pidgey-Otto relied on such pure instinctive skill for every aspect of my flight performance. Without it, I am now crippled.
My skills are gone. My body no longer functions as I intend. My wings are foreign appendages which barely carry me short distances. My talons are large and cumbersome; I miss everything I try to clutch and I lose balance wherever I perch. My call sounds wrong and carries incorrect connotations. My wingspan is far too large and I no longer understand the spaces I fit as I fly. My weight strangely shifts in the air, and my wingbeat is off-rhythm. I tripped and fell from the air three times while flying to the secret base. I also fell out of trees when I tried to land. I am thankful nobody witnessed my blunders; they were very humiliating.
Worse, my I.Q. has undoubtedly dropped below ten stars. I am still literate, which is why I write. But my thoughts are not as concise as those of the Pidgey mind. My reports leave out key details that I merely forget. As I read and write long technical specifications or official documents, I am nagged with the worst feral emotion I have never imagined: boredom.
I hate boredom and I hate that I cannot ignore it. Though I now understand the merits of many feral emotions, I cannot fathom what use there is in feeling boredom. It only disrupts progress and serves no purpose whatsoever. It is the worst of any distraction I have ever known, worse than the attention-piercing sound of a Yanmega fanning itself on a nearby branch.
(Hatred. Another feral emotion I am not so certain that I trust. It seems only to cause frustration, which seems to make me drop five stars in I.Q. whenever I am compromised by it.)
All of my training was for nothing. It has been erased. The money Char spent on putting me through daycare and civility training is wasted. I cannot operate on a flock or as a soldier. I am now nothing more than a civil Pidgey trapped in the mind of a feral Pidgeotto.
I know Team Ember will be fine. Brace is here. Brace is a very good Pidgey. High marks. And now he has the opportunity to complete the transition training. He will adequately serve as my replacement.
Tallie is also here. Tallie is an ideal bird in all ways. She is powerful. Level one hundred. Her skills are perfect. Her intuition is perfect. Her drive is perfect. Her leadership senses are perfect. She is perfect. Char was very wise to choose her as a second-officer.
I idolized her. From the day I first flew a mission with her, she became my hero. I wanted to be like her in all ways possible. I wanted her fire. The same way I wanted the fire on Char's tail when he imprinted upon me. I wanted all her power. I wanted her respect. I wanted to impress her so she might show me how to have her power.
For a single moment, I succeeded. I found my own fire. I enveloped myself in fire. Upon my wings of fire I took the initiative to catch the Shadow Bandit.
My act led to giving Char the information we needed to catch her. Char was proud of me. Ray was proud of me. Kecleon was proud of me. Tallie was proud of me.
But my moment of success cost me everything – my mind, my body, my skill. My training. My potential. My service to Team Ember, the Gold Division, and the resistance.
My single moment of triumph, and my greatest mistake. I do not regret the act, but I regret the price I paid, and especially the price still yet to be paid.
They all smile at me. They assume I am suffering the normal disorientation which comes with evolving. They do not understand the severity of my condition. They don't understand that I will never fly the same way again.
Team Ember all has feral-shards now, as a gift for Char's contributions at Basin Canyon. But most of them are aware of the risks and drawbacks from evolving. Most understand it is not such a simple process as one might believe when they are young and impressionable and dream of being powerful. Only Asunder has used his feral-shard so far, although he did so somewhat out of necessity. The rest of them need to come to terms with evolving first. And rightfully so.
I find myself looking too much at Asunder as we return to our rooms. He smiles. He looks happy and proud of himself for his accomplishment. He strides as though he has already mastered the new body and has no regrets. In his bright red eyes there is a new, different aura than there was before.
A magnificent creature. Were I still a Pidgey, my feral instincts would have feared him. I would have been his prey. But he is not feral. He is civil and friendly, showing no hostility or desire to devour me. I feel comfortable in his presence.
In the hallway he asks me if something is wrong. He is concerned about why I have been staring at him. I likely intimidate him with my sharp raptor gaze unintentionally. I have already forgotten that I am a predator creature now. My glare is as fearsome as Syr or Tallie. I must take care not to intimidate friends.
I ask why he thinks something is wrong.
He asks why I didn't fly back with the rest of the birds. He says he can't imagine walking everywhere when one has wings. He says that if he was a bird, he would never walk anywhere.
I do not want to admit that my wings are weary, or that I am confused. So I tell him that I wanted to congratulate him on his evolution. I ask how he feels.
He stops walking, he yawns and stretches, and he shakes out his fur. He says he feels the best he's ever felt in his life. He speaks with so much enthusiasm. He explains how he keeps thinking he is inside of a dream where he turns into a legendary Pokémon, except that it is real. He explains that his sense of smell and his night-vision have greatly enhanced. He explains that when he growls, he feels fearsome and powerful, and not just like a cute puppy.
Asunder says he is having fun. He says life is going to be so much fun. He says he wants to stretch his legs and run around until he passes out. He considers asking Raon to take him night-hunting.
He asks me how my evolution is treating me.
I confess that I am coping poorly. I am not adjusting well. It is a struggle to fly for long distances.
I say that I am jealous. I say that I wish my evolution had gone as well as his.
For some reason he looks saddened by my response. As though he is deeply concerned about me, even though we are only new teammates and we have barely interacted with one another. He says he's sure it will get better. An empty gesture of sympathy, but an admirable attempt at friendliness.
I ask what makes him think I will get better.
This is an unexpected question to him. He needs to think before answering. He says it will get better because it is called evolving, not devolving, because it makes everything better, not worse. He says this is how Pokémon have been growing up and getting more powerful for millions of centuries. He says that once I settle into my new feathers, I might accomplish twice the work I could have done as a smaller bird, and asks if that isn't an exciting thought.
Sixteen-and-a-half times the work is more accurate, but I know it was only his guess, and one that's only taking into account an intentionally planned evolution. But he does not know any better, so I cannot fault his estimation.
While Domo turned back into Scythe and continued the celebration banquet, Char calls an emergency meeting with his team.
Char is another successful evolution. I can tell he is in complete command of his new body. He is more confident and expressive. He is quicker to make decisions and the decisions he makes are wise. I do not know how he mastered his new form so quickly. Again, I am jealous.
He invites all teammates into the planning room. All nineteen members are present. Even Saura who has not been with us for a while. I assume this must be important, perhaps concerning the revelation that Scythe is missing.
The first thing he tells us at the meeting is that evolving is our decision. Nobody on Team Ember will be expected or forced to evolve if they do not want it. This makes sense after Saura's admission that he will likely never evolve into Venusaur, so it is only fair to extend the same consideration to the rest of them. He says he can work with anyone even if they choose to stay in their smallest forms. He instructs everyone to think carefully before making the decision. So far this is not grounds for an emergency meeting.
Char then explains an order he has recently been given by High Intelligence. He explains that Team Ember has been tasked with the secret assignment of finding Scythe. This is a very big and important assignment. It is five-star rank. But we are not to let any other teams know that we were given the assignment, even Team Remorse. I find this strange, but I assume High Intelligence has legitimate reasons for the secrecy.
He explains that Scythe's disappearance will be explained to Team Remorse and Team Flamewheel. But they will be told that Scythe has valid reasons for remaining unseen, so they are to leave him alone and continue to pretend that Domo is Scythe. Now that Team Remorse has been informed of the secret, I would imagine that Domo will find his assignment much less stressful than before.
But they are not to search for Scythe. They are not to be made aware of an assignment to search for Scythe. Only we, Team Ember, search for Scythe.
He does not explain what needs to be done with Scythe once he is found, only that he must be found. I also find this strange, because I cannot imagine the reasons for this assignment. Scythe likely does not need to be rescued. All of our information indicates that Scythe is hiding from everyone on purpose, and we are now ordered to defy Scythe's intentions. Very odd. But this is an order from High Intelligence, who always has very good reasons behind their decisions.
Char explains that he and several officers of Team Ember will focus on the assignment. The rest are to focus on tasks from the bulletin board to support our team's stability and status among the Gold Division. Tallie is placed in charge of assigning and managing the daily missions. This makes sense to me.
He ends the meeting. At the end, he says he is eager to see who decides to evolve and he welcomes any of the new powerful Pokémon who will soon surround him in the meeting room. He looks at me as he says this and he smiles brightly. I, being a bird, cannot smile back. At least in the conventional ways which Pokémon recognize smiles. But I nod my head and twitch my crest in acknowledgement. Finally, he instructs everyone who is undecided about evolution that they may give their feral-shards to Zachel for safe-keeping until they are needed.
At the end of the meeting, he does not immediately let me go. As everyone else leaves, Char instructs me to follow him. This is unexpected. He also instructs Ray and Saura to follow him. We follow him through the wall-portal to the secret hideout.
We stand in the secret base alone. He calls us the original four. He comments that he remembers when three of us were smaller Pokémon. He says he remembers it like it was yesterday. I comment that it has been only a few days since he and Saura evolved, so that's almost like it was yesterday.
He laughs, thinking I am attempting humor. But I wasn't. I was attempting empathy. I was trying to explain why his misconception about the time frame was reasonable.
Or perhaps, Char did not understand how he was expected to feel. I have learned that some Pokémon, when they do not understand what they are expected to feel, will respond with laughter. I have only ever responded with silence in such circumstances.
He explains the reason for the double-secret meeting, and why he only wants to speak with the original four.
He explains that while Team Ember has become a reputable resistance team in the Gold Division, our truest purpose was never to serve the Gold Division, or the resistance. As such, Team Ember has experienced an odd sort of fracturing, where we now must manage our current objectives, except that our true and secret objectives have once again become our topmost priority.
Saura is the first to understand what Char means. Team Ember was founded upon the memory of the human that Char had once been. Team Ember's truest purpose is to help Char regain his memories and determine his purpose for appearing on Ambera. Team Ember, as a resistance team in the Gold Division, has only ever been tangential to that cause.
As one of the earliest members, I was fortunate to be included in this secret. Once Tallie rejected the secret, and therefore our secret brotherhood, Char decided it would be best that the secret brotherhood remain just as the four of us. He explains that he has not even told all of his secrets to Eva about his human plan, and does not intend to fully tell her.
Then he explains why we must chase Scythe. He explains that chasing Scythe is likely to lead us to Giratina, which has always been Char's topmost priority as a transformed human. He explains that we are likely on a time limit as Giratina herself is in mysterious danger. He explains that Xatu is a secret ally to their cause and has been helping the whole time that Char had been here.
Most surprisingly, Char explains that, according to Xatu, he wrote the Resistance Creed himself. He explains that he wrote it as a secret encoded message to himself and Xatu after his transformation, to hide vital information about his plan in plain sight. I, like Ray and Saura, find this quite impressive.
He explains that the rest of Team Ember will be competently managed by Tallie, Eva, and Scarlet, to continue functioning as a resistance team, while we focus our efforts on chasing Scythe.
He then tells us two very great secrets that we are not to tell anyone outside of the brotherhood except for Xatu. He urges us to promise to hide these secrets from everyone, even teammates. He urges us to keep these secrets buried beneath the surface of our thoughts, and not to think about them too often, to help hide them from the casual glances of Eva and other psychics. This has always been easy for me as I generally never have to contend with my feral emotions, which are responsible for dragging unwanted thoughts out from beneath the surface. Now, as a Pidgeotto, I am not so certain it will remain so easy.
The first secret: Char has mastered the Call and can use it to mind-control Pokémon at will. He explains this is how he won the victory of Basin Canyon. Saura and Ray are extremely surprised at this. They speak of having proven that controlling the Call at will is impossible. Char explains that he controls the Call by telepathically communicating with a Celebi somewhere. He explains that he is trying not to abuse the power because he has many ethical reservations about how it should be used, but that he is willing to utilize this power to find Scythe as efficiently as possible.
Char explains that he was worried about telling this secret to anyone. He worried that we might distrust him, knowing the incredible power he has over our minds if we were to disagree with him. Saura and Ray are unanimous in their response, telling Char he never had to worry. They claim to know that Char would never hurt them using this power.
When Char asks how I feel about this power, I only tell him that do not care. He is the leader, I am the follower. Leaders are meant to be more powerful than their followers. Char seems to accept this response. In truth, I do not quite understand Char's reservations about this. Perhaps in time I might come to understand.
The second secret: once Char gathers a lead on Scythe's possible location, he intends to leave the Gold Division and start on an expedition. The expedition could possibly be very long and take them very far away.
He says that once the expedition starts, it is possible he will never see the Gold Division, or Team Ember, ever again.
He explains that he wants Saura, Ray, and myself to accompany him on this expedition, and nobody else. As the original four, the secret brotherhood, he trusts us above all others with these matters.
Ray asks why Eva is not considered for the expedition. Char says he will consider bringing Eva as well, but only depending on her behavior. He says that if Eva and Saura do not get along, Eva is not coming on the expedition.
He ends by giving us a choice. He says he does not want to force us to leave Team Ember if we do not want. He wants us to think about it, but to give him our answers as soon as we can, so that he might approach other teammates to replace us if necessary.
Saura and Ray are deeply surprised and troubled by these secrets, but accept them. Normally, I would accept them easily.
But I do not accept them easily.
In truth, I had come to this meeting expecting to tell Char of my decision to leave Team Ember.
But Char still trusts me as part of his secret brotherhood. He trusts me enough that he wants me to come on the expedition with him.
I cannot bring myself to tell him.
I find that I am too weak to tell him, to admit that I am a useless bird who is no longer worthy of his companionship or trust. I say nothing.
Char is used to me saying nothing, so he thinks nothing of it. For this, I am relieved.
I look at Char with my newer, sharper eyesight, forgetting once again that my gaze is now somewhat intimidating. I realize that for once, I feel the spark of his fire inside me.
I realize that I know how he feels, because I share his burden. He will soon need to abandon Team Ember, but cannot yet bear the pain of telling the secret. Just as I will soon need to abandon Char, but cannot bear the pain of letting him down.
The feral connection – it is there, and it is real.
It physically hurts.
Once Char ended the secret meeting of the original four, I began to wonder if I would ever have the strength to tell Char the truth.
Perhaps the only option was to fly away.
I do not know where. Perhaps I will return to the wild. Perhaps I will settle with normal civilization. Returning to Team Silverwing is another option. Perhaps I could start my training from the beginning. Perhaps one day I would be worthy of serving Char again.
Except that Char would likely be gone by then. I will have broken the brotherhood.
There are no correct options. They all meant that I would lose my teammates and greatest companions.
I would miss Tallie too much. And I would miss Char. And I would miss Syr.
I cannot leave them behind.
I do not want to leave them behind. I simply don't want it. Were I to fly away, my wings would refuse to unfold.
And yet I cannot confront them either. The pain of my betrayal is too great. I could not bear their resentment. Their hatred. I would run from it.
In this turmoil, I realize the feral emotions are once again proving themselves counterproductive. I do not need them right now. They are hindering me and giving nothing in return. I needed to be like Pidgey-Otto. To ignore everything except for what is true and necessary. To be efficient and effective. A proper soldier. It is the only way forward.
The feral emotions loudly protest as I suppress them and swallow them, but it needed to be done.
I determine the next necessary step. If I do not tell Char, I at least need to tell Brace. I need to inform Brace that he would need to replace my role and to not expect my return. I ask Brace to join me in our room so that we might discretely discuss things. I expect that Brace would understand. Brace would always attempt to understand.
Except he did not.
When I told him what I failed to tell Char, this was his response:
"Wait, you're serious? For a moment I thought you actually evolved a sense of humor!"
Why do Pokémon always think I'm joking? What use is there in joking?
I ask: "What gives you the impression that I am not telling the truth?"
Brace says: "Because everything you just said is total nonsense! Stop for a moment and get a grip on the branch! Just because you evolved too soon does not mean your wings are broken."
He is being emotional about this. I am trying not to be. This seems to constitute a conflict of interest, unfortunately.
I spread my wings to him. I say: "My wings are functionally broken. When I last attempted a basic snap roll over a branch, I crashed headfirst and fell flailing to the ground. And I cannot seem to clutch a branch without falling forward."
Brace says: "I meant a rhetorical branch, you dumb chickpea."
"I know you meant to be rhetorical. I meant to use irony to emphasize my point."
"Look. Otto. If you're even half as good of a flyer as you were when you graduated from Silverwing, you're still better than me."
"Judging by my recent performance, I am approximately three percent as good of a flyer as I was when I graduated."
"Well, hey. Here's a bright idea for you. Have you tried trying again?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know, it might be a foreign concept to the high-and-mighty perfect birds like you, but some of us need to crash into a tree fifty times before we get a new trick down. Have you tried that?"
"My muscles no longer learn from my mistakes. As a Pidgey, I felt my body learn from every mistake. The Pidgeotto body no longer seems to self-correct."
"That doesn't mean a thing. You don't always feel yourself learning."
"I did."
"Well not anymore, apparently. So I guess you'll have to just voluntarily correct your motions. You have eleven-star I.Q., I'm sure you'll figure it out."
"My I.Q. has dropped at least to seven stars. Possibly lower."
Brace flared at me and squawked loudly in anger. "Oh, for Latios' sake, you stupid pigeon! Do you know how ridiculous you stound right now? I'm sure you sound perfectly reasonable to yourself, but you should be glad you didn't say this to Char because you'd have made a complete fool of yourself. 'Oh, cheep-cheep, boo-hoo, my body is a little bit different! This has never happened to a Pidgey before in the entire history of the world! That's why you never see any Pidgeotto flying around in the wild because they can't fly unless they go through Silverwing training! Ohh! I'm doomed, grounded for life!'"
I pointedly did not flinch. "I am talking about elite avian units. You know things are different for ferals."
"YOU ARE A FERAL! Did you somehow forget that? Do you forget where you came from? You were one of those dumb little Pidgey flitting through the trees in a forest somewhere. Just because you somehow swallowed a thousand gummies and somehow turned into a genius doesn't change that. If ferals can do it, so can you."
I momentarily had no reply for this.
Brace said further: "Unfortunately for you, I'm a little smarter than I look, too. I need to be smart, in order to be your friend. Oh, I know exactly what's going on here. You were always the perfectionist, Otto. Always kept track of all your win-streaks and your grades and your battles and all those statistics, all down to three decimal places. You wanted to be perfect and you know it. Perfection was always the bare minimum."
From involuntary mimicry, not feral emotion, I screeched back at him: "Yes. I did want to be perfect. Because I wanted Char to view me as a valuable asset. Rather than the pet bird he found in the Wanderer's Meadow. What is the problem?"
Brace shouted: "You're moping. You're giving up. Now suddenly it's the end of the world because you can't handle the fact that you're a little bit not perfect. So what, you made a mistake? This is a setback you didn't want? Fine. Fly some laps, practice some dives, do a few more obstacle courses and endurance routines, and hey, guess what? You're gonna be more perfect than you ever were before. Look. You're one of the most amazing birds I've ever met and I'm honored you think I'm your friend. So I know more than anyone what impostor syndrome feels like. But being your friend means I can't let you just seize up and fall like this. You're still a Silverwing bird. You're still Otto. Maybe you don't feel much like Otto right now, but you can be Otto again. Just need to climb a little higher. Because guess what? You might have lost some altitude, but the sky just got sixteen-and-a-half times taller, all for you."
He even remembered the correct statistic. I always liked many things about Brace.
He urged me: "Go talk to Syr. I'm serious. He'll tell you what to do. And if he can't convince you to stay the course, nobody can. But I bet he will."
I replied: "What if he doesn't?"
He replied: "Then if you're leaving the Division, come back and tell me so I can come with you. I'm no mainstay on Team Ember. Only been here for a week. If Team Ember wants more birds, there's plenty of new Silverwing recruits who I bet are just dying to court Tallie. Oops, I meant, to serve Char."
I thanked him for the suggestion. It's something I should have thought of first. I suppose I was flying deeper into the fog of feral emotions than I realized.
How odd that one can dive deeper into the fog while believing they have already climbed above it. That is something I will have to remember.
Syr is often very busy. Even for his favorite birds, like myself, it can be difficult to arrange a meeting with him. He spends most of the day training the different Silverwing flocks. I've found that night is the best time to contact him, while his assistant Master Karow is busy training the night flocks. But the times at which he retires for the night are highly inconsistent. Even still, sometimes he is not home, as he is busy flying some assignment outside the Gold Division. Achieving an audience with Syr can be a matter of randomness, even for a bird with my level of patience.
Worse yet, I no longer had Pidgey-Otto's level of patience. Even just an hour awaiting him in his aerie-chamber for the training sessions to end, that dreadful, despicable feeling of boredom hunted me from above. I just barely kept myself reasonably occupied by preening some of the bent feathers I'd displaced from the various flight accidents that week. When that no longer worked, I reminded myself that leaving meant I would later need to fly back up to the Silverwing base later. This was an unpleasant prospect, since the Silverwing base was above the highest floor in the Gold Division; to reach it, one needed to fly entirely up the central shaft and then some. I found that I could not perform a vertical climb in my current state, and needed to hop from floor to floor just to ascend the base.
My patience was rewarded when the great and venerable Staraptor returned to his aerie and found me awaiting him. Despite never having seen my new body before, he instantaneously realized who I was. And though he seemed exhausted from the day's flights, he was very pleased to see me.
He greeted me with: "Look how you've grown."
We perched together beneath the false forest canopy which hung from the ceiling of his room, and I told him everything, except for the things regarding the secret brotherhood of Team Ember. I told him of how Tallie had helped me determine the meaning of his riddle. I told him of my great accomplishment, and of my great mistake. And I told him, in the best detail that I was capable, of the difficulties I found that I now faced in this body after having not properly prepared for evolution.
When I was done, he chuckled and put his wing around me, and said: "Oh, Otto. You're going to be just fine."
I asked him the same thing I had asked Asunder, yet I hoped for a more convincing answer: "What makes you think that I will be fine?"
He said: "Because I did not prepare for my first evolution either."
This truly shocked me, and I could not hide my surprise. I chirped: "You, of all birds, did not follow the transition regimen? Did you evolve on accident, like I did?"
He explained it to me: "No, Otto. I did not follow the transition regimen because, in the time that I was a Staravia, the transition regimen did not exist."
I asked: "How did you learn of it?"
And he said, with a chirp of amusement: "By inventing it."
As the perch upon which we stood was twisty and small, I nearly lost my balance and pitched forward. Syr caught me with his wing and helped me restore my balance.
He further explained: "As I have learned from experience, it is much more difficult to teach the regimen to students who are aware that I created it. They do not trust me, they choose not to listen, or to take it seriously."
I said: "How odd. I do not disbelieve you, but I cannot understand why one would distrust the very master of the discipline."
He said: "Something about primary sources. The mind, for some reason, trusts a secondary source more than it trusts a primary source. I do not imagine it would have ever been a problem for a keen little Pidgey like you, but indeed… when I instead give the impression that my methods were already a well-established and codified discipline among all aviankind – as it has somewhat since become – my students treat it more as a law of nature, and they take it more deeply to heart.
"But yes… I invented the regimen after having evolved to be a Staravia, and realizing some neurological pathways must not have translated well to the new body. And so, I dedicated myself to studying what had happened to me, in hopes that I could realize why this happens, particularly to the most highly-trained of birds."
I asked: "Did you ever discover why it happens?"
Syr replied: "When you evolve, your brain grows bigger. Most Pokémon keep the same neural structure intact through the evolution process – so they retain much of the same knowledge, memories, and skills as before. Because for most Pokémon, it's the same brain as before – it just gets bigger. But when birds evolve, we gain entirely new lobes. Whole regions of the brain that weren't there before, now suddenly are there, and sometimes they break up some of the neural pathways we had before. If you happen to be highly trained in certain varieties of the avian arts… big regions of those pathways associated with our highly specialized motor skills… they get disconnected from one another.
"But as I learned… in the end, this is not necessarily bad. Just think of it: now there is so much more room in that little head of yours, just ready and waiting to be stuffed full of so many new skills and memories. It's a blank slate. A bright blue sky just beckoning to you to fly away free. My transition regimen – it is a way to preemptively re-arrange some of those neural connections, so that less of them get disconnected when you evolve. That is all, really."
I asked: "How did you develop such a process? Did you see it work on other birds, since you could no longer study it on yourself?"
He said: "Otto, I think you might be forgetting something. You're not done evolving! And neither was I, as a Staravia. I developed the methods to help transition from a bird's second stage to their third stage. The methods to ease the transition between the first and second stage – they were somewhat of an afterthought, to be honest. Just little various things we figured out that seem to work. The real process happens when you're ready for your final evolution. And Otto… you haven't missed that at all. You are perfectly on track to be the absolutely ideal Pidgeot. And even if you accidentally evolve a second time? Don't you dare let that discourage you. Elite avians existed for centuries before I came into being. Most of them survived just fine. Missing the regimen doesn't mean that being perfect is impossible. Being your best is never impossible. I just found a way to make it a little easier."
So it was true all along. Brace was right.
I could still be the perfect bird after all.
And that I would be. For Char. For Tallie. And for Syr.
All I needed was more training. More experimentation, more learning from mistakes. Just as always before.
I knew Brace was right about the other thing as well. Knowing I could no longer be perfect, I stopped trying. Now that I knew I could still be perfect – the drive returned to me. The wonderful fire.
I would master my new body, and the body that would come after. I would once again envelop myself in that fire. And instead of crashing into a wall, I would crash through it.
Even if I needed to master the strange, inconsistent spectrum of feral emotions as well. I would master them all. Because I could.
I said to Syr: "About your riddle. Lately, I have tried to take your lesson to heart, and not to disregard feral emotions as meaningless. Like the Lucario is weaker without their aura, I am indeed weaker without my fire. Proverbial fire, that is. But… it is complicated. I feel as though feral emotions have as many drawbacks as they have benefits. Sometimes I wonder if there is even a net advantage. What do you think, from your experience?"
Syr fondly replied: "Ah. Yes. I once believed feral emotions were a weakness exactly for this reason – because they might hurt, and impede oneself. But one day, I realized something: the times when they hurt… it is not actually a weakness. Rather, it is proof that emotions are the opposite of weakness – they are a power. The hurt is just… some recoil damage you have to endure. You know, just like your favorite: a Brave Bird attack. Incredible power, capable of incredible feats. If you want to use that power, the recoil damage is just something you endure."
I said: "Oh. Just like a Brave Bird attack… Is it really that simple?"
He replied: "Yes, my little Otto. At the end of the day, it is really that simple."
And for the moment, I was satisfied. Satisfied with my prospects, with my potential, with my future. I was satisfied in knowing that yes, I would join Char on his secret final adventure. He chose me, he needed me, and I would not let him down. I would bring my fire and all.
Finally, I thought to ask: "I was wondering… I see the use in most feral emotions, but there is one I don't quite understand. What good is boredom? Why is it there? What purpose does it serve? Surely it must serve some purpose, or Pokémon would not have evolved for thousands of years to feel it… would you happen to have any insights about this?"
At first, I thought Master Syr was deeply thinking about my question. But when I turned to look up at him, I saw that he had already tucked his beak into his plumage and fallen asleep, all the while still keeping me tucked under his wing.